I used to be that shy quiet girl, and I still am from time to time. In middle school I would hide my face in the mist of my hair, and hope that no one would talk to me. I guess you could say I was introverted at one point in my life. Those that know me now, know that is definitely not the case any longer. The problem is, people perceived me as thick and dull due to this lack of communication. People would try and break through my shell, but I would not have it. I liked the quiet. This quiet let my thoughts and feelings flourish like a lush garden in my mind, but no one knew that. This did not change people’s opinions about me either. I was that stereotypical weird introverted girl with the dark clothing and hunched over fast paced walk, all due to my lack of communication with my peers. Much like my middle school experience woman are often perceived as ignorant because they often times do not dominate a conversation with a member of the opposite sex, which is often due to their need to support a conversation and not look as if they are “showing off”.
This speech pattern of not lecturing or dominating during a conversation with a male, creates a stereotypical perception of the female gender. The speech pattern that a woman usually partakes in while conversing with a man is supportive feedback. Of course this is not for all instances, but when a man tries to dominate the conversation the woman usually is given the role as a listener, and the man takes over the role as the lecturer. It is often times in a woman’s nature to follow this gender role, as a non-domineering figure in the conversation. Woman will give supportive feedback, since they are in the role of listening. However, being in this role of listening backfires on a woman, and in turn creates a stereotypical perception. When women are in the role of listening they are quiet, and do not contribute to the conversation. This quietness is perceived as not knowing anything about the topic, thus learning new information from the lecturer. Therefore, the woman is seen as ignorant, and the stereotype that women are unknowing docile creatures is enforced.
As a quiet young girl in middle school, I was confined to this similar stereotype of ignorance, although I decided that not communicating my knowledge will not do any good. Some women may think that they are just supporting the conversation, but they are also unknowingly supporting this stereotype of ignorance due to their quiet speech pattern. Of course it is not always the man dominating the conversation, and many times women will be seen in the light of the other stereotype that they talk too much. However, that is why they are considered stereotypes, because they do not apply to all. Being a supportive figure in a conversation is not a bad thing, but adding to a conversation is not bad either.
Katherine, you made some wonderful points. I was never shy due to being the baby of 4 children. But my eldest sister is super shy,and your traits match hers a lot. I was forced to not be shy because my siblings always made me ask the questions. When we would be at dinner, I was the one who had to ask for the extra biscuits. And this made a loud, confident, unshy person. I can totally agree with you on the stero type of women listening. We also have to stero type of nagging, and the only time we talk its some type of complaining. Being a woman this annoys me, and I don't understand why this was ever even made into a stero type. When a women tries to dominant a conversation with the opposite sex..they are taken aback and not sure what to do. I have known many people in your position, being quite and soft spoken. These people are some of the smartest people i know, and give the best advice. They listen and they think a lot about ideas, so when they do speak out, they have every fact straight. I agree that you have to be both quite and active in a conversation. You must be able to listen and be able to speak your mind all at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to how you grew up being the quiet shy girl. I feel I still am like that today. You are right, being quiet and shy doesn’t necessarily mean we are thick and dull. I have a hard time getting out of my shell and being comfortable talking to people because I found comfort keeping to myself. I liked keeping to myself because I found it more interesting watching people and admiring them from afar then actually engaging in the actual conversation. People perceived me as stuck-up and conceited through out my years till now because of my quietness. I am working on trying to get out of my comfort zone and talk to people and get to understand them. Women do like to listen and really try to understand the topic they are hearing. I can see why people can feel that we can come off as ignorant but you made a good point about that stereotype.
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